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Hello everyone,

My name is Tiago. I am new and this is my first post. I was unsure whether to write it in here or in the religion and spirituality sector.

Let me start with my story! I am OCD diagnosed. And recently, I have been going on with my OCD flaring up due to a relationship I want to pursue but is not going well. I am anxious, having obsessive and negative thoughts, compulsions and all that I am allowed to have, plus magical thinking (will be explained bellow). I am waiting for therapy, but the list is quite big.
Well, it happens that I can deal, now, thank God(!), with many of my thoughts and fears. But I know I have many more. I have Relationship OCD, Religious OCD, Just right OCD, Pure-O, and to add in all of that, I have trust issues from the past, low self love, low confidence in myself. I also am in the spectrum of anxious-preoccupied attachment style! So I guess I won the lottery!

Now, and the reason of this thread:

I grew up with a mom who always believed in the spiritual and psychic medium as well as I am from a Catholic dominated country and I have a background of the church doctrine. I have seen many things through my mom: praying, cleansing rituals (she made me and my sisters perform it when we were young), she used to to rituals and she is still up to this day a strong believer because of her grandmother who was also one and used to talk to spirits, to which she says helped many people.
Recently, I am going through a downside of my life and I am particularly sensitive. Therefore my need to find support is greater. So I pray more because God always helped me when I needed. In addition I was at home recently and my mom realised I was down. She says she, as a mother, knows something is going on. She ‘senses’ it, she knows what the problem is but waits due to her ‘6th sense’. She says she is in the next realm or something like that. That she attained a greater vision, she is in the 5th dimension. She also believes in Law of Attraction. So, to resume I have seen, recently, her guessing right when I deleted a message about some issue I had with someone (which I deleted before showing it was read) and she asked me what it was about. I said it was nothing and minutes later she asked me what happened between me and that particular person. Then we engaged more in talks and I asked her about advice in regards my situation, she guessed many things out of nowhere, I was freaked out because she said it won’t work. Because of her advocacy for Law of Attraction and how negative thoughts, talks and things attract negative stuff to you, I thought that that negativity was bringing negative outcomes to my situation. Because she attributed these guesses to her ‘gift’, I was even more scared. And my OCD (diagnosed already) is not letting go of it. To make things worse, I saw ‘credible evidence’ on the things she was guessing and saying (especially because we also talked about my situation). All of these right guesses and supernatural things are freaking my brain which is already super sensitive not to mention my psychological issues with OCD, superstition (because of my country’s cultural beliefs and growing in a household where my mom kept putting these things in our minds). She also said I am like her. It is freaking me out! I am reading about scientific proof to demystify all these But my brain is telling me is not proof enough and to be honest there is not many things about it.
And to make things even worse, not only I am obsessing about all this and more, but today I was at a work and it happens that this is a job I had to return to due to my need to pay the bills. But instead of going back to my store, I decided to go to another store. I have been looking for a job and my friends from my previous store knew. They also know that I swore to myself that I wouldn’t come back to this company, but I believe God is teaching me a lesson of humility and to learn that you cannot be proud. Because tomorrow I will have some higher people visiting my store and they knew I left, I thought to myself that I should let the people from my previous store know I came back before they hear from others. I thought about a specific person. It happens that out of nowhere, she texted me hours later (when I didn’t hear from her since quite a lot of time) asking me if I have found a job already. Well, to add to this soup, today I also thought that maybe I went back to this m work and specifically this store because years ago I used to say I wanted to work in this store (I liked the atmosphere and it was nice working there). I thought I attracted it (Law of attraction) and that it was meant to happen because of my wishes from before. Another thought was that I needed to go through it because I had it pending through my wishes of the time. All of these thoughts and coincidences are driving me crazy! And my mom said I was in my current situation (relationship) because I was in a similar relationship (but in that case it was inverted where I was the one less pushy and he was the one more pushy and I was receiving a lesson from the universe because I left him, karma in a way, but if I think about it, I left him because I thought he was cheating on me and my trust was broken, then he was being pushy when I was dealing with all that).Since then I even apologise to him for my behaviour.

These are some of the stories that are terrorising me.

I need some support from a real therapist because I cannot process this alone, neither find evidence to push it away.
Once again, I apologise for taking your time.

Best regards,

Tiago

  6th Feb 20 Posted by:      Tiago Calabaca
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